somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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