This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
