I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
