her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
