It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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