I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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