ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
