I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
