Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
