I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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