you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
