If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dignity is for republicans.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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