17 year olds will be the death of me.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
