you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
