I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
