All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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