i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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