Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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