I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
