I think I just saw someone hide a body.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
