the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize