I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
