Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
