you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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