i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she told me i tasted like america
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize