I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
