i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
