i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
