best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
