bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You're a waste of cheezeits
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
