I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
