ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
God I need to hump something, right now.
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