i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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