if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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