So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
