Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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