Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
