I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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