I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
