I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize