i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
FUCK WHALES
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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