Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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