i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
