he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize