So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
and you fell through a lawn chair
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
