pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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