I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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