you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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