It's like God shit irony all over that family
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
