Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she looked like the before picture.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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