I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
