I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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