billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Tornado booty call.. dedication
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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