Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
