I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You were trust falling into bushes
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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