hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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