My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
im about as happy as oj after his trial
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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