six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
