sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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