she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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