I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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