good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
