Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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