If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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