She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
