worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
