After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
