I can tuck mytits in my pants
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you would pick up someone in the library
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
