oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I have grass duct taped all over my body
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
