Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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