i think i have two assholes
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
