I wannas sexs uuuuu
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
