I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
