I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
