Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
