If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
