Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize