Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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