i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
